When he's looking at me, I mean really looking at me, I feel so transparent. He forces me to be true and strong. He forces meaning into what had previously been just words. I measure my worth by his happiness. I am the hopeful jester, vying for his smiles, coveting his laughter. His gaze paralyzes me. That smile, it cripples me. There is a lump in my throat and joy in my heart. There are no words.