Marking His Territory

Max has been such a gentle and affectionate brother to his baby sisters. I can't stand how cute he is with them. He kisses their heads and rests his cheeks on the top of their heads, closing his eyes and rubbing against them ever so softly. Then he looks up and me and exclaims "she smells good."

I'm trying, but failing miserably, not to nag him about his behavior with regards to these girls. I don't want him to feel jealous, alienated or resentful towards them. It's quite hard, because I have to constantly remind him not to jump on the bed (when they are laying on the bed), not to squeal loudly in their faces, sometimes to keep quiet or stop touching them while they are sleeping or trying to fall asleep, etc. He has stormed out of the room a few times when I have shown my aggravation with him.

A couple of days ago I sent him into the baby room to get me a few diapers. Apparently, he couldn't find them, because he came back empty handed. When I got up to fetch the diapers myself, I noted that the carpet was wet, in front of the changing table. When I asked Max about it, he ran into another room, just before announcing that it was "pee-pee." I lost my patience and yelled at him before sending him to his room, where I told him to go to sleep (it was late anyway, but Max doesn't yet sleep in his bedroom, by himself). I felt awful afterwards. He was asleep in about two minutes. After he fell asleep, I picked him up and carried him back to my room, because I couldn't stand to have my sweet, impish, little man banished.

I wondered if it was a coincidence that he peed in their room or if he was simply marking his territory. Max has experimentally peed in other places before, so it wouldn't have been the first time he emptied somewhere inappropriately. On the other hand, I have read stories about children reacting to a new baby in exactly this way. Maybe I'll never know, but I do know that I need to step up my efforts to make sure Max doesn't feel like everything he does is wrong.

An End to "The Pregnancy"

I'm not sure if these photos really look so different in the belly area. The first was taken on July 8, this year, the morning that I delivered my twin girls. The second picture was taken on August 18, 2004, the day before I delivered my son. Max weighed 8lbs., 6oz. and the combined weight of my girls was 13lbs., 2oz. The difference felt huge to me. It's kind of like having that little piece of popcorn hull stuck between your teeth...even though it's quite thin, it feels like you have a 2 x 4 piece of lumber stuck there. I was definitely more bloated this time around too.

Anyway, my girls were born on July 8 at 12:23pm. They were taken from my body via c-section. That was no fun at all. I suppose actually going into labor wouldn't have been much fun either and I don't know, for sure, which would have been the lesser of two evils. The weight of the babies crushing all of my organs while I laid flat on my back was incredible. I thought I was going to have a panic attack, because I wasn't able to breath sufficiently, in that position. Then, when the assistant surgeon started to actually PUSH on my stomach to get the babies out while my OB pulled...all I could do was try and psych myself into remaining "there" and not passing out.

After spending two days in the hospital, we were all ready to go home. Brooklyn had a little trouble with her sucking abilities and both girls had lost a little weight. Both were within normal ranges. I had become slightly anemic, but also got the green light to go home. Within 10 days of being home, I've lost 40 pounds out of 40 gained.

At home, things have gone surprisingly smooth. I have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law who have been by our sides to fill in the gaps and lend a loving hand. My husband was able to take two weeks off from working and having him home was so nice. It really completed our family and Max got to spend some special times with his dad.

Both girls are good sleepers and I've been able to get much more sleep than I ever did when Max was a baby. I have them sleeping in a Pack n Play, set up like a bassinett, on my side of the bed. They are about two feet away from me, at most. Max is still sleeping in our bed with us. I don't plan on transitioning him to a bed of his own until it's clear, to him, that it has nothing to do with his sisters coming into our lives and displacing him. And we really do like him being there, with us, anyway.

We've already noticed some differences between the two girl's personalities. Lauren is more laid back and Brooklyn is a bit fussier. Lauren is also quieter and Brooklyn makes all kinds of squeeky sounds. Lauren didn't move around nearly as much as Brooklyn did while they were in utero, and things seem to be consistent there as well. I can't wait to see how these girls will be different and how they will be similar.

I'm just so in love with these baby girls, their brother and their father, that my heart feels full everyday.

1 Day Left

I'm so happy I can't even express it.
I'm doing the happy dance all day long (on the inside, of course).
I'm even looking forward to meeting these babies!!!
I havn't much else to say about any of this, just that I think they are happy where they are and would probably stay in there for the full 40, if I were to let them. No thanks. So, happy birthday, in advance, to my two baby daughters!!!

A Little Experiment-3 Days Left

So last night, or was that this morning? I guess it WAS this morning, technically. Scott got home around 3 or 3:30am and had jumped in the shower. The poor thing was slapped, spit-on and scratched by some transient woman from the train on his overtime shift and he wanted to make sure he was germ free before getting into bed with Max and I (bless his poor, grossed out heart...lol).

Since I usually wake up at this time each night, to engage in a couple hours of scratching my itchy rash and applying useless creams, I thought I would try something different. A shower!!! And some selsun blue!

Well, I don't know if it's going to help anything, but I'm going to do this every day until I have these babies to see if it does. I guess there's no reason to think it will. It's not as if this rash is any kind of fungus. Still, I feel better about trying something than trying nothing. So I sudsed up with Selsun Blue all over my itchy back, legs, arms, etc. The scrubbing/sudsing action felt good, if nothing else.

Just Kickin Back-4 Days Left

A very uneventful 4th of July today. We did nothing to celebrate. Scott worked and I spent the day hanging out with Max and my Mother-in-Law. It was really nice.

After showing me the newest batch of clothing she picked up for the girls, she unloaded almost all the stuff I had left on my baby registry too...lots of Born Free bottles, a travel wipe warmer, some formula canister/carriers, the cutests diaper bag ever and plenty of other miscellaneous items! This woman spoils me to no end!

We also discovered that I had NOT packed up a sufficient diaper bag, as I thought I had, so she helped me with that too. That was fun, because I got to load up the new diaper bag with some clothing and swaddling blankets for the ride home, some really cute, teeny-weeny diapers and whatever else a diaper bag would need.

So today was really relaxing for me and it was nice to just lay low, with some good company.

Nothing new to report on the baby-front. Everything's holding steady.

The Wisdom of Men-5 Days Left

Today was the last appointment with my OB/Gyn until my surgery next Tuesday. He checked my amniotic fluid and made sure everything looked good on his prehistoric ultrasound machine.

Then we discussed all my current "symptoms." I don't have a bladder infection, even though it feels like it. That's good. Feeling like it is still bad though. He said the babies are pressing on it. Nothing we can do about that.

The fluid in my lungs: Nothing we can do about that either. I've already gone through two rounds of steroid and antibiotics. It's probably just a factor of all the liquid/fluid/mucous that's a normal part of pregnancy.

My edema: Looks the same in my feet and legs, but he did comment on the pedicure I got yesterday afternoon. In my belly, the same too. He did manage to focus on the most painful areas to do his ultrasound, so by the time he was finished I wanted to slap him.

I have lost 4 pounds since my last visit with him, which was one or two weeks ago. I can't remember right now and I'm too lazy to look it up and be accurate. In any case, he thought it was probably from further cutting out sodium from my diet. I don't know. Wouldn't my edema have improved? Oh well.

The PUPPP rash: It continues to get worse. My back is completely covered in itchy bumps. His explanation for why I can't have the prescription strength hydrocortisone cream was..."I think you would bathe in the stuff, if I gave it to you" and "I would give it to you if it was just isolated areas, here and there, but the rash is too widespread for that kind of application." So basically, my rash is too BAD for treatment. If is wasn't nearly so severe, he would treat it???????? The wisdom of men never fails to amuse me.

No More NST's-6 Days Left

Yesterday was the last NST I will have to have at the hospital. I still don't know how I managed to get a win on that one with my doctor. I didn't want to keep the appointment I had for that one yesterday, after looking at some of my insurance EOB's. It's costing us just over 50 bucks a pop for these monitorings, twice a week. That doesn't even include my doctor visits, perinatal ultrasounds, gestational diabetes appointments or any lab work. I shudder to think what these past two months are costing us in medical bills and we have excellent insurance (pays out at about 90%).

Anyway, because they are always so uneventful and so difficult for me to just walk through the parking lot and hospital, I had started complaining about these appointments. I do have one last appt. with my OB, so he can ultrasound me there and check on me one last time in his office.

I also asked him for a prescription strength hydrocortisone cream for this rash, but he says it's not safe. Argh! I have read about other women being prescribed prescription cream for their rash. My doctor is a great advocate for these babies, but he doesn't do diddley for me. Man, this is one really great example of needing a female doctor who can actually relate to a pregnancy. This guy just doesn't get it. I know of cases where the doctors have delivered because the mother was having lots of symptoms and discomfort, but not him.

So I'm spending a good deal of my day scratching still. The rash continues to spread. Most of what I do for relief still does nothing. He suggested I try the oral Benadryl every 4 to 6 hours, but that's just going to put me to sleep all day. Not that I would mind, but it's kind of hard to hang out with a 4 year old while you're nodding out. Oh yeah, and I still have a few apts. to keep, albeit not the NST's.

The lower part of my belly still feels like it's inflamed and infected, although I know it's just the edema. I still can't even touch that area without it hurting quite a lot. And it's in the way too. I can't wear anything around the belly and I can't wear anything that sits right under it. So all I can wear now are loose dresses. The nurses always comment on how sore it looks when they are hooking monitors up to me.

Probably the most recent development is that it hurts to pee. It's starting to feel a little like a bladder infection. I don't know if it's just because the babies are so big and low now or if I could actually be developing a bladder infection. I guess I will mention it at my next OB apt. on Thursday.

I had a couple of crowns put on my teeth yesterday and the dentist made a suggestion that I eat some dairy with acidophilous in it. I guess she said my tongue looked a little "yeasty." I guess that wouldn't surprise me after being on two rounds of anti-biotics, back to back. Ugh.

At this point I have considered asking my husband to take a little time off on the front end of these babies coming, but I haven't gotten around to mentioning it yet. I guess I'm still trying to hold out.

Thanks for All the Support-7 Days Left

I just wanted to say thanks to all the supportive people that have kept me hanging on all this time, with their uplifting words and their shoulders to lean on. I've been so lucky with nurses, blog readers, mom's club members, family members, friends and the occasional stranger, being so supportive and it's helped a lot.

With such a difficult pregnancy, I have complained a LOT. And there have been many ears to listen. And not just listen, but to remind me that there is going to be a joyous payoff at the end. And to all you kind listeners who reminded me that it was not self indulgent to wallow in my pregnancy misery, but validated just how tough this really is, you knew how to comfort me when I really needed to hear those words.

I have also had much appreciation for those people who have constantly reminded me that having these twins is a true blessing...and one that they are confident I can handle. It's priceless to have people in your life who point out how competent you will be at something, rather than what a rough road you are going to face and how tough it's going to be. The mothers in my "mothers of multiples group" have been especially supportive in this way.

Another insecurity I've had is how my boy Max is going to handle all this. So another thanks goes to those who have persisted in letting me know that he will be just fine and that I am adding richness to his life by increasing our family and not taking anything away from him.

These things have been priceless to me and these have been the words that have kept me going through this most difficult endeavor.
Much love to all of you,
Kathy