Watch Out, My Kid will Clobber Yours

After a really nice time with friends tonight, I come home and google "aggressive preschooler behavior" and "preschooler hitting behavior." So now I am feeling quite helpless. Apparently this is normal behavior, par for the course. The advice is much the same. Don't scold. Explain how the other kid feels. Remove your child from the situation. Help them with words to express their feelings. Blah, blah, blah. The truth is, yes, all preschoolers probably exhibit behavior like this from time to time...but again and again, it is my little gem who stands out, heads and shoulders, above the other kids with his behavior. It is no consolation that he will simply grow out of this, especially as his language skills develop. Some of the stuff I read even highlighted the merits of aggressive toddler/preschooler behavior.

Max is not on the accelerated end of the spectrum for verbal expression. I'm sure he gets quite frustrated with his inability to express surging emotions. He definitely expresses himself with his physicality.

But like I said, "blah, blah, blah"...none of that helps while you wipe a tear off of the other childs face. None of that helps when you see the expression of anguish on the other parents face. It doesn't help the guilt or the responcibility I feel for my inability to prevent these acts from happening in the first place.

Good Boy Mommy!

I can't even remember what I had done that deserved the accolades, but Max recently said to me, with all the sincerity he could muster, "good boy, mommy!" Yes, I laughed and smiled and hugged and kissed and thanked him. Then, I ran out of the room and told Scott and we both laughed again.

Today, I made it a point to mention that there are "girls" and "boys." I have never really differentiated this to him before. It never seemed necessary. So I told him "Max is a boy...daddy is a boy...mommy is a girl...gramma is a girl...Jarod is a boy"...etc., etc.

I don't plan on drilling this into his head. I just thought I might plant a seed. Max is almost always assumed to be a girl, because of his long hair. He's not aware of it though. So I really hope that he doesn't become aware of it, due to my recent illumination of the fact that we, humans, come in two flavors (and some would argue more than two).

I'm proud to be considered a "good boy" in his eyes.

Did I Mention That Max Turned 3?

At 3 years old, he's quite large for his age. Not ridiculously, but as large as the smaller 5 year olds. I noticed this in his art class today. He is just as big as 3/4 of the 5 year olds. I feel like I need to make his age known. That way the other moms are not expecting him to act like their 5 year olds. Yes, he "JUST" turned 3. If he hits your 5 year old or he screeches, just for fun, he "JUST" turned 3.

I am tired of feeling self conscious about his behavior. I think I remember my sister-in-law mentioning the same kind of situations with her son. I remember her telling me how she made remarks to people that he was not a retarded 5 year old...just a big 3 year old. I guess those genes are running in our family.

And it doesn't take very much to trigger Max into some really "unwanted" behavior. If another kid starts running and shrieking, you better believe that Max will, not only do it too, but he will outdo the kid who started it. Yes, he often starts it.

It's okay. I'm learning how to handle it. Day. By. Day. I am not disciplinarian by nature...and when I am, I find it hard to live with that part of myself. So I have read plenty of books about how to parent a "challenging, willful" child without having to evoke the disciplinarian within me. After all, I still need to feel good about who I am while helping him become the best that he can be (wow...didn't that sound cliche and trite?)...yet it's true.

The behavior that I feel pressure to "squash," is almost always expressions of joy or exuberant excitement. Sometimes it's also expressions of frustration, but in either case, I just don't want to squash it because of social pressure and expectations. The only time I feel like I should really do this, is when Max hurts or intimidates another child.

When my little guy squeals out of happiness in a restaurant...and everyone is looking at me sideways to "shut him up"...I can't help but feel uncomfortable and inclined to quiet him down. But while I make attempts, I feel like a traitor.

I think we come into this world as pure as we can be. And over time, we learn to suppress our authentic selves. I don't really mind that it happens well into our adult years. It just kills me to be teaching these things to a 3 year old. All in the name of "social adjustment."

When it comes to raising my son, I hope for the courage to take the road less traveled. I hope for the courage to forge a path for others to follow. I find no bravery or integrity in taking the the well worn road.

No Problem

I do my best to teach Max a few manners. He says "thank you" and "please" with the frequency I would expect of a 3 year old. I consider him to be better than average, when it comes to mastery of these social niceties. I'm not obsessed, like some mothers are. I would not stand there with my boy, pushing the issue until he says it. If he doesn't, I shrug it off...he's still learning. I don't even say it 100% of the time myself. Still, I'm surprised at how often I must be using manners, because he sort of picked it up naturally, without a lot of attention drawn to it.

Well, with that said, I'm a casual kind of girl. I grew up in Southern California where we use a lot of casual slang. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that Max is learning Scott's and my language. Yet it did surprise me, yesterday, when I dropped my phone and Max picked it up and handed it back to me...I said "Thank you!" He said "No problem!"